It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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