Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
