the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
