Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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