I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
