Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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