By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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