SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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