I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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