You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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