youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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