whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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