Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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