Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
