walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
