He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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