i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
