I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
