Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
