he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
