she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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