just tell him i said nine months
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
