I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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