Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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