he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
