Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
