Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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