also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Less talking, more tequila
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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