and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
