his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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