Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
