Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
