your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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