Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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