Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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