I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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