im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
