the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
