Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
