so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
