True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
