I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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