dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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