whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
