i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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