Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
