I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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