It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
