Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
