The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
