i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
