u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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