Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
