i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
