I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
