Ketchup is God's man juice
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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