no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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