Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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