i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
