i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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