Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
