Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
