I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
